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hopeless_love13

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why not? [12 Apr 2005|05:22pm]
[ mood | sad ]

1: Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 18, find line 4. Write down what it says: 45 and 314 cut across the Soviet Union in the fall of 1941

2: Stretch your left arm out as far as you can what do you touch first: roommates desk

3: What is the last thing you watched on TV?: sportscenter

4: WITHOUT LOOKING, guess what time it is: 5:20

5: Now look at the clock, what is the actual time?: 5:25

6: With the exception of the computer, what can you hear?: the air condition

7: When did you last step outside?: saturday

8: Before you came to this website, what did you look at?: thefacebook.com

9: What are you wearing?: khaki boy shorts, a surfer tee shirt and hat

10: Did you dream last night?: yes

11: When did you last laugh?: this morning

12: What is on the walls of the room you are in?: posters galore

13: Seen anything weird lately?: not that i can think of

14: What is the last film you saw?: what's eating gilbert grape

15: If you became a multi-millionaire overnight, what would you buy first?: 2005 mustang

16: tell something about you that most people don't know: i'm scared of heights

17: If you could change one thing about the world, regardless of guilt or politics, what would you do?: make people enjoy the things they have

18: Do you like to dance?: yes

20: Imagine your first child is a girl, what do you call her?: samantha

21: Imagine your first child is a boy, what do you call him?: alex

22: Would you ever consider living abroad?: definitely

23: Say something in a different language: Je suis.

1 thought| open your heart, and let it take you wherever it wants to go

[03 Apr 2005|09:16pm]
[ mood | irritated ]

parents are overrated. fuck them.

1 thought| open your heart, and let it take you wherever it wants to go

[30 Mar 2005|12:38pm]
[ mood | dorky ]

this is so true, it's funny. :)



Insanity Test
Username
Age
Your problem is Sexual Addiction
Will you ever be cured? (8) - Don't count on it. - (8)
Just how crazy are you? - 88%
This cool quiz by insanitydefense - Taken 486888 Times.
</a>
New - COOL Dating Tips and Romance Advice!

2 thoughts| open your heart, and let it take you wherever it wants to go

[21 Mar 2005|02:18pm]
SEX. I got much needed sex. amen. :)
4 thoughts| open your heart, and let it take you wherever it wants to go

[19 Mar 2005|02:44pm]
as of now, i love life. :)
1 thought| open your heart, and let it take you wherever it wants to go

[02 Mar 2005|04:25pm]
[ mood | pissed off ]

fucking a. just got my grade from my test last thursday. talk about shitty news before break.

FUCK.

1 thought| open your heart, and let it take you wherever it wants to go

[02 Mar 2005|12:42pm]
[ mood | content ]

ok...so, spring break is finally on friday. amen! i can't wait. but yeh...it will probably suck. and i'm breaking out on my face. WTF??? why must this happen before break. i think i'm cursed!

going to look at apartments finally today...so exciting :)

open your heart, and let it take you wherever it wants to go

[28 Feb 2005|01:43pm]
[ mood | happy ]

i fucking <3 college.

2 thoughts| open your heart, and let it take you wherever it wants to go

[24 Feb 2005|12:08pm]
[ mood | bouncy ]

nazi midterm= DONE!

one more test then off to brother's tonight. boo yah bitches...i can't wait!!!

open your heart, and let it take you wherever it wants to go

[23 Feb 2005|07:41pm]
[ mood | exhausted ]

wow. as of now life is sucking really hard. have a midterm tomorrow along with another test, and family news isnt the best. and what can i say about the love life...it's still nonexistent. i'm taking time to write this instead of studying because i can, and because i don't feel like looking at any of this bullshit anymore.

and great. this spring break is going to be the most horrible one i think i will ever experience. i don't want to go to massachusetts, and i'm scared to see my aunt. :( life is not good, and i know it could be worse, but i just hate it.

and i'm frustrated.

open your heart, and let it take you wherever it wants to go

[19 Feb 2005|12:33pm]
[ mood | confused ]

i absolutely adore this girl. and her teasing is like murder. i wish i had the balls to just kiss this girl back...the ex just makes it sooooooooooooooooooooooo much more confusing. :(

i can't even get over her...she's the one i want. :/

open your heart, and let it take you wherever it wants to go

[15 Feb 2005|07:26pm]
[ mood | complacent ]

wow. yesterday was interesting. got TWO, yes TWO phone calls from my mom...and we rarely talk to begin with. funny thing is she has an aim name to talk to my brother and i, and she read my info and freaked out. god.............that was annoying. i HAD song lyrics in there...some from dead poetic's 'august winterman' and something else. but anyway, the second time she called me she was like, what is wrong with you...? are you depressed? those sound suicidal. talk about WTF. i tried to explain to her that they were only lyrics...not a big deal. but yeh. what a fun conversation. plus, who wants to tell their parents how they feel about stuff? sure as hell not me. its hard enough having to deal with being gay, and being closeted without telling them. UGH! so horrible.

anyway, called her back today because she wanted me to. but the good thing was she told me i could use the credit card to go shopping :). oh so happy. they have guy AE jeans on sale...yay! so friday i am definitely taking advantage of this. she told me "maybe that will cheer you up." we'll see...new clothes are nice, just too bad they couldn't come with a side order of my crush. :(

*tear*

4 thoughts| open your heart, and let it take you wherever it wants to go

[13 Feb 2005|10:56pm]
[ mood | blah ]

perfect for a depressing valentine's day.

Everything I Once Had ---The Honorary Title


Everything I,
You were everything I once had,
The bar on First Avenue,
We went there solely for you,
So you can flirt with my best friend,
Kiss a girl, tell me why you're laughing.

I won't hold, I can’t hold on to this,
There's a hole in the trust that we mapped out,
In my bed for six long months,
There's a hole in the trust that we mapped out,
In my bed for six long months,
For six long months,
Well I won’t hold on to this.

February, Valentine's Day,
Did my best to avoid the red clichés,
So you dumped me on the subway,
on my way to work at nine in the morning,
Everybody else is holding bouquets,
Now I’m holding my face in the basement,
Scratching away for any trace,
Of affection you will leave,
Falling victim to the public's prey.

Well I won't hold,
No I can’t hold on,
I won’t hold on to this.

There's a hole in the trust that we mapped out,
In my bed for six long months,
There's a hole in the trust that we mapped out,
In my bed,
There's a hole in the trust that we mapped out,
In my bed for six long months.

I won’t hold on to this.

Anyone is suitable for you, I, for you I guess, tonight,
Anyone is suitable for you, I guess,
You weren't fazed,
It's over with,
You my beautiful,
You weren't fazed,
It's over with, you my beautiful,
With your beautiful blue and white,
Your beautiful blue and white.

open your heart, and let it take you wherever it wants to go

[11 Feb 2005|01:37am]
[ mood | awake ]

wow. another interesting thing. ohhhhhhhhhh the crush. we had the long convo weds. about her and her gf are taking a break...and today on aim (and she never leaves messages on there) but she leaves me one. it said: "[she] and i are really broken up." WHAT? was there a particular reason she told me this??? SHITTTTT. i hate this! it is so confusing. damnit. why can't life be a little less complicated?

damnit. just damnit.

but now i must go to bed, even though i'm not tired. oh well. gym at 7 am. yay!

2 thoughts| open your heart, and let it take you wherever it wants to go

[08 Feb 2005|12:47pm]
[ mood | mellow ]

well let's see. after yesterday went so damn well, i slept just about the same. i couldn't stop thinking about this girl...she seriously kills me. i dream about things that would never actually happen between her and i, but i still dream it anyway. i'm head over heels, and i wonder how much of a clue she has of it. i mean, i think she has somewhat of an idea, but other than that, i have noooooooo clue.

*help*

this is torture.

5 thoughts| open your heart, and let it take you wherever it wants to go

[07 Feb 2005|02:09pm]
[ mood | irritated ]

ok. now this is seriously getting annoying. the ikissgirls community IS a good one, and is much appreciated by everyone i'm sure. but come on...must people FLIP when it comes to a post that fails to mention a girl? give me a break! yes, people post so they can get advice, meet people, and figure out girl problems, but once in a while, it seems kind of tiring to read about depressing this and that. but maybe that's just me.

anyway, just my opinion. and i'll stress the community is GREAT, but i personally don't need posts telling me where to post when what i had posted is like 2 sentences long.

but that's all for now. a little frustrated and annoyed, but what can ya do.

open your heart, and let it take you wherever it wants to go

[05 Feb 2005|02:43pm]
[ mood | full ]

last night was awesome. and i'm finally out of the depressed and sad mode...but we'll have to see how long that lasts.

today is reserved for homework...which sucks major ass! but i have to get it done otherwise i'm screwed. let's see...

-test on monday..really need to cram
-paper due monday...4-7 pages. must get done before the super bowl tomorrow!
-and much reading.

:( but oh well. if i get it done, i will be able to enjoy the super bowl and the pats much better :)

YAY!

3 thoughts| open your heart, and let it take you wherever it wants to go

[02 Feb 2005|02:52pm]
[ mood | irritated ]

i am about to fucking explode. i CANT deal with this shit. i really cannot. i'm having this conversation with my best friend (and we never fight or get pissed at each other), but right now, i just want to go punch something. it's so goddamn irritating.

here's the situation: he's bi, but mostly leaning towards chicks. he gets guy ass, but would never dream of having an actual relationship with one. anyway, now he has a girlfriend and has had one since mid-december. and you know what pisses me off? he doesn't even LIKE relationships...he HATES them. so...he complains to me about his gf, and tells me about all this random guy ass he gets, along with the ass he gets from his gf. mind you...i haven't had sex with a girl in a damn long while. and i'm about to kill myself because i'm so sexually deprived. it's sickening. anyway...i complain about not getting any, especially from the crush who has a gf (which im sure will never happen anyway), but still. he tells ME that there is a way to change things. umm...i don't think so. when you're still in the closet, you can't just be like hey, you're hot, and hook up with some chick. she'll more likely than not be a straight girl. damnit! i don't necessarily look like a token lesbian either, which makes it a tad bit harder. in his case, he is an emo kid. lots of emo kids are at least bi. so...his situation isnt as bad. anyway...he was outside one day (don't remember when exactly) and some kid walks by. the kid said something to him, and they ended up hooking up. WTF is that??? shit like that DOES NOT happen to me. so give me a fucking break.

but if you'd like to be amused...here is part of our convo:

me: im just depressed babe
him: well, i know im not gonna be in pj's...that doesnt help
him: and u think im not?
me: i know you are
me: but at least you have other stuff that i lack
him: ...realtionships are overrated, and how many times have i told you, me gettin ass means nothing
me: well, to me it does
him: if u are sad/pissed that u dont get any, u can change that, REALLY u can....
him: i did
him: u can
him: its not like there are tons of BI guys out there....i just found them
him: but, its not my life, so i cant really do anything
me: well, you are much more fortunate than i
him: fortune has nothing to do with it, it requires u to get out and do something about it, thats all, well in my opinion at least
him: but, whatever...its not me, prob a diff situation
me: oh well
me: i know what you mean though. but to me, im just stuck
him: stuck as in how?
me: i CANT do anything about it. regardless of what you may think
me: its not that easy for me
him: it wasnt a walk in the park for me either
me: yes, yes it was
him: what?
me: a guy walked by you, and you guys hooked up
me: that shit aint gonna happen to me
him: that was one instance...

sorry to bore you with that. it just pisses me off. alot. im struggling...AHHH.

this. fucking. sucks.

4 thoughts| open your heart, and let it take you wherever it wants to go

[01 Feb 2005|08:38pm]
[ mood | blank ]

went to jacksonville this weekend and it was pretty fun. but i'm definitely glad to be home. finally getting my lip pierced on thursday!!! and i cannot wait. bring it on.

in other news...i'm still craving what i can't have. and it blows. :( i want her to be happy, but i want her to be happy with me. even though i think she's oblivious to the fact that she makes me melt. much sadness.

i'm lonely. but hopefully going to the gym everyday will keep me occupied...

2 thoughts| open your heart, and let it take you wherever it wants to go

[25 Jan 2005|09:53pm]
[ mood | sore ]

well...i updated this earlier and it didn't do it. because lj is lame. and i don't feel like updating on this one again...so this will have to do. go me.

2 thoughts| open your heart, and let it take you wherever it wants to go

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